Guys Like Daisy Dukes

You know, those extremely short cut-off made popular by a certain blond of the same name from the Dukes of Hazzard.

Woman Cuts Cheese, Man Giggles

It's a pun, get it?

PUSA Rocks!!

I just got back from a Presidents of the United States show and they've still got it. Go buy the new album if you haven't already. With the exception of their groundbreaking first record, this could be their best yet.

Woman Almost Falls to Death

Doing a parody of a commercial for some crazy insurance company...



HA! HA! It's my money and I WANT IT NOW!!!

It's Spring!!!!

HA! HA! Guy Defined

Friend of the Quaker Tim created this excellent HA! HA! Guy:



Just to make sure you can read it:

I'm an iconoclastic medium to convey witty proverbs!!!

Portal: The Little Game That Could

Steve says:

The game is more or less flawless in its execution: it was smooth, well-designed, bug-free, and it stayed interesting without ever getting frustrating. It was a little masterpiece.

Dan says:

There are some really fun uses of the portals here, especially in all of those strange moments where you can see yourself through a portal across the room entering the portal you're stepping through.

Sal Says:

But part of Portal's beauty is that it's filled with tons of "aha!" moments, where it suddenly becomes clear how you can get one step closer to success. ...And so Portal becomes a unique puzzle game where the solutions always turn out elegant and satisfying once you've figured them out.

Photo credit: Friend of The Quaker, sweettheman.

Crazed Naked man Exacts Revenge on Grocery Store

A naked guy went berserk in a Lancaster, Pennsylvania super market earlier today causing over a thousand dollars in damage. Nicholas Hazak was brought up on charges for risking a catastrophe, public drunkenness, and open lewdness. CNN has some excellent video on the story.

Feline Origins no Longer a Mystery

By sampling cat genetics from feline friends throughout the world, scientists are now able to better understand cat history and origins:

The same was true for the Burmese and the Singapura, as well as the Siamese and the Havana brown. While Havana browns are considered a separate breed in the United States, European cat breed associations consider them a color variation of Siamese.

"Some people will say, 'Ha, ha. I told you so.' Some other people will be disappointed," Lyons said.

Scientists have not yet uncovered the genes that make those LOLCats so gosh darned cute.

Hai! As in Yes!

Another great photo from PokySharpy. If you've got a whiteboard, I want to know! Send me your pictures and I'll post them up.

Sequester This!

In an open letter to the "Green Coal" companies, ecogeek holds no punches:

The only thing that makes you seem even a little green today is how extremely destructive you used to be. You cannot be, you will never be, green. Give up...go home...enjoy the next few decades because they will be your last.

If the HA! HA! Guy were a green coal company, he'd have this to say:

Heads Up!

The French get most things right. The Reign of Terror and Guillotine were but a minor blemish resulting in the execution of up to 40,000 individuals. A small price to pay for a revolution? You betcha!



Photo taken by friend of the HA! HA! Guy, PokySharpy. Send us your photos and they might just make their way to The Daily Quaker! too.

In Case you Missed it

It's two weeks early, and it could be worse than Y2K could have been, mostly because no one really thought it was that big of a deal. If it weren't for the candy lobbies, everything would have likely remained status quo.

CrIntelligent Designism!

Don't be a fool! Intelligent Design is nothing more than Creationism with a new name! It's not science! It's not a theory! There's nothing scientific about it! Keep Creation in the Bible and out of our Biology classrooms!

What is CrIntelligent Designism? When Evolution went on trial in Dover, PA in 2004 "On Pandas and People", the Intelligent Design textbook, was presented as evidence in defense of Evolution. As it turns out, the so called "scientific theory" known today as Intelligent Design as defined in "On Pandas and People" used to go by Creationism. Drafts penned prior to the 1983 Creation in the Classroom court decision defined the obviously religious alternative to evolution in terms of a creator and creation. Revisions made after the decision against Creationism in schools substituted the term Creation for Intelligent Design.

The smoking gun: In several drafts, someone goofed when using find and replace. Creationism = CrIntelligent Designism = Intelligent Design.



If you've got forty minutes, this Nova special is excellent.

Tee HEe!1 Stinky Tinkles!!

With the recent dog food scares, I've started feeding my dog more fresh vegetables. Most of the time she loves what I give her, but this time, feeling self conscience about the way her pee would smell, she refused to eat the asparagus in her dish.

Welcome to the Hotel California

One in 99.1 adults are incarcerated in the United States. That's a little more than 1%.

One in 36 (2.7%) of Hispanic adults and one in 15 (6.7%) of black adults are locked up.

A whopping one in nine (11%) black men between the ages of 20 and 34 are in the clanker.

The good news, only one in 355 (0.1%) white women between the ages of 35 and 39 are behind bars and only(?) one in 100 black women are.



Prison stats from the New York Times.

You Make Great White Hungry

Tests for the Shark Shield, a shark deterrence device, failed miserably when a giant shark took a huge bite out of the buoy that was "protected" by the device. The Shark Shield was invented to protect surfers and divers from shark attack. Of course, the device only works when the surfer is completely still and will not protect you while surfing in waves or paddling. There are even some rumors that the device actually attracts sharks rather than causing them to have uncontrolled muscle contractions and keep them away. Reported by The Australian.



Much like preventing teen pregnancy, the best away to avoid getting chomped by a shark is to refrain from swimming with sharks.

Mmmm...Bacon

What Makes the HA! HA! Guy so Funny?

HA! HA! Scientists have long pondered what makes the HA! HA! Guy so funny. While academia may have a firm grasp on his comedy, it is sometimes difficult for commoners to grasp the subtlety of his humor. To help bridge this gap, let's start with an example taken from one of the infamous Fark threads, presented here in whiteboard form.



Upon first inspection this image appears to be nothing more than a simple case of anatopism. "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard" is a statement one might expect to hear from a voluptuous, scantily clad female and certainly not from the man depicted in the image above. The statement itself is amusing, "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard." Knowing that the statement is a metaphor whose origins are in the rap genre makes it even more amusing in the given context. But anatopism itself is not enough to make one laugh out loud (LOL) at a HA! HA! Guy. Let's dive a little deeper.

Study the words. "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard". In a typical HA! HA! Guy, the words appear in different font sizes with the subject of the sentence in smaller font and the predicate in a noticeably larger font. The larger font acts as a call to action in this case, to bring something. What is your milkshake bringing? Why, it's bringing all the boys to the yard! This is a classic example of a HA! HA!ism. Surely, there must be more to it than just a silly phrase that makes the HA! HA! Guy so great.

Look at his teeth. No, really look at his teeth. Stare at his teeth. Stare. Keep staring. Many researchers feel His smile is the source of His comedy. Is he laughing or plotting something maniacal? Since The Quaker (irony abounds for he is not really a Quaker!) can't tell us we must rely on context clues. Notice that a single "HA!" is juxtaposed to the left and right of His face. These words seem to indicate laughter but not just any laughter. "HA!" is capitalized and has a trailing exclamation point denoting intense laughter. It can be assumed that either The HA! HA! Guy just heard the joke of his life or he is intensely making fun of something.

Stare at his teeth. Think, HA! HA!. Now read the words again. My milkshake brings ALL THE BOYS TO THE YARD! LOL at your leisure, but try not to spray spittle on your monitor.

Now imagine bringing the joy of the HA! HA! Guy with you everywhere you go even when you don't have a computer handy. That's the joy of owning a HA! HA! Guy Whiteboard.