Happy New Year!

Infinity

This may not looks as crazy to you but it looks extremely trippy to me. Inspired by Escape from the Planet of the Apes.

Quaker Oats vs. Haha Quaker

Dear HA! HA! Guy,

Who would win in a fight you or the Quaker Oats guy?

sincerely,

Jim

Let's see how these two stack up.

Quaker Oats Guy
Age: Born 1903 - 104 years
Weight: 234 pounds
Fighting Style: Pacifism
Occupation: Sellin' Oats!

Haha Quaker Guy
Age: Born 1893 - 114 years
Weight: 173 pounds
Fighting Style: Sarcasm
Occupation: Selling photographic dry plates...and dentures

Xylitol Kills Dogs

Imagine the scene. The family is about to sit down for Christmas Eve dinner when one of the women of the house notices that someone - or something - has rifled through her purse. Oddly, it seems the culprit saw fit to take only the chewing gum, leaving soggy wrappers behind. There are 6 dogs in the house. Which was the likely offender? The one with the freshest breath!

Normally this would be an amusing situation, like when a kid eats a Lego and then sees it come out in her poop a few days later. But when a dog eats sugarless gum using the sugar substitute Xylitol the dog may not live to see the indigestible but tasty rubber pass. Xylitol is fatal in our canine friends and can send them into convulsions in under 30 minutes and kill them in under 24 hours!

A dog that consumes as little as a few sticks of chewing gum sweetened with xylitol should be taken to a veterinarian immediately, said Eric Dunayer and Sharon Gwaltney-Brant in an article in the Journal of the American Veterinary Medical Association.

"Dogs respond to xylitol differently than humans," Dunayer said in a telephone interview, "and it seems to overwhelm their liver."

This little fella lived thanks to quick thinking and a little vet administered Syrup of ipecac.

Haha! Guitar Hero Rulez!!

I am the most amazing fake guitar musician on the planet! (except for the throngs of prepubescent nerds who don't have jobs.)

Merry Christmas!

HA! HA! Happy birthday Baby Jesus! You made it another year! Congratulations!

Christmas is Coming!

For some folks, it could be worse. You could be in jail for Christmas. Or in a jettinsoned space capsule thousands of miles from Earth with no hope of rescue or recovery.

Flight Delays are Inevitable

It's the busiest travel time of the year. Are you prepared? Do you have a HA! HA! Guy handy to lighten the mood on the oft delayed, ne'r amusing jets?

Officials said more than 150 flights were canceled at the airport Thursday. Passengers on one Delta flight to Los Angeles said they spent several hours on the tarmac before being told the plane would not be taking off.

Story from the Fox EYE WiTNESS Nooos Team based out of Providence, RI!

He's Coming to Town -- To Suck your Soul!

Is he a musician or does he wander the Earth devouring souls? I leave this question as an exercise for the reader.

This Laptop was Made for Munchkins!

The One Laptop Per Child XO laptop was designed for kids and not my fat sausage fingers. It's way cool and you can get one get one for yourself until the end of the month through the "give one, get one" program.

Place your bets. How long until the HA! HA! Guy reaches the Third World?

My Dog Rolled in Poop!

Just before bed my dog came inside for her final walk of the day. Little did I know she had found a great smelling pile of something to greet me with. Thanks, pooch. I appreciate it.

Sensei Kicks Student 200 Times in the Gut

Via the Associated Press, a kid in a Virginia Martial Arts studio took 200 kicks in the gut...from the instructor...as a test.

Try a Shoppenboy Indeed!

ABC does excellent reporting, with pictures!

If your husband, son or father won't tag along when you want to purchase clothes for him this holiday season, try a Shoppenboy.

French menswear store Celio has launched a way to help shoppers by appointing male models, some with extra large appeal, to help them find exactly the right gift. Now shoppers can choose a man, who dons red boxers, whose body type is most like the man they're buying for. The concept is that the various-sized models help people find the right fit for their purchases.

Give the woman in your life the gift she's always wanted. A Shoppenboy! Next year Gamestop will be offering Shoppengirls to help you pick out the perfect FPS for your girlfriend.

Happy Hanukkah!

It's the festival of lights!! Happy Hanukkah!

HA! HA! Elves Dance for Your Amusement!

Have you seen the dancing HA! HA! Elves yet?!? Click here to see the video!

Naval Acadamy Offers New Course: Beer Pong 101

The U.S. Naval Academy is fighting alcohol with alcohol to educate midshipmen on the dangers of drink. Capt. Margaret Klein, commandant of midshipmen, told the academy's Board of Visitors on Monday she's pleased with the results of a new program aimed at demonstrating to midshipmen at special 21st birthday dinners how little booze it takes to reach a 0.08 blood-alcohol content, the legal standard for drunken driving in Maryland.

The entire goal of the evening is to get as many midshipmen as possible completely sloshed. Surprisingly, students are pleased that they are now able to purchase adult beverages on their meal plans.

Story courtesy of The Guardian Unlimited.

Quaker with Blue Goatee

HA! HA! I Stole Your Panties!!!!

Some people just have problems:

Murfreesboro police said $4,000 worth of bras and panties were stolen from a Victoria's Secret store in the Stones River Mall Tuesday.

"Everybody wants Victoria's Secret," said a shopper Friday. "If your panties aren't name brand, they're nothing."

And we can't have hot women running around in nothing, now can we? Wait. Can we?

Marathon Lines

The lines at the bathrooms before the Philadelphia Marathon a few weeks ago. Pray you don't end up behind someone else's "Carb Load".

Chuck Norris Doesn't Endorse.

Governor Mike Huckabee pulled out all the stops and is giving his opponents a roundhouse kick to the face.



The HA! HA! Guy approves of this move.



I <3 Chuck Norris.

I Love His Noodly Appendage!

You've got to love the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Sent to us by Maureen on location at some noodle restaurant. Nice bird on the HA! HA! Pirate, by the way.

The Top 7 Reasons to Give a HA! HA! Guy

It's the holiday season again. A time of year when tried and true capitalism gets a boost in the rear from a crack team of flying reindeer and one great big jolly fat man in tights. Gift giving is fun, but the most difficult part is figuring out what to give. Sure you could recycle or re-gift something in the spirit of "going green". Or you could go the safe route and buy something directly from their Amazon wish list, boring but at least you know they'll like it. Another legitimate but heartless option is to give your loved ones cold hard cash. Cash is certainly better than gift cards but unless you were alive when the golden oldies were pop hits, such a gift is lazy and inexcusable.

The Daily Quaker! wants to let you know that there is another option. Yes, give them something they don't know they actually want yet! This is your opportunity to show everyone how incredible your Internet prowess is by buying your girlfriend, office mate, cousin, brother, best friend, favorite teacher, rabbi, dentist, or anyone you actually care about an homage to one of the greatest Internet Memes to ever flow through the tubes. Get them a HA! HA! Guy Whiteboard!

In case you're on the fence, here are the top reasons why you should buy a HA! HA! Guy Whiteboard for someone this Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanza/New Year/Festivus:

1. Eases potentially tense or awkward holiday family moments!
2. Smack talk your brother in style when you beat him Dreidels!
3. HA! HA! Whiteboards help you laugh off the extra holiday pounds.
4. Avoid the mall! Only genuine HA! HA! Guy Whiteboards are shipped directly to your house (and at reasonable shipping rates, too).
5. Tastier than a fruit cake!
6. No batteries required. Use HA! HA! Whiteboards right out of the box!
7. HA! HA! Guys are a holiday tradition since 1893!

Give the gift of the HA! HA! Guy this holiday season! Your friends and family will love you for it!