Happy Halloween!!

HA! HA! Only nine kids came to my house for treats and now I have a horde of candy that will make me fat!

Thanks to a purple whiteboard marker, even the HA! HA! Guy celebrated in a costume. He went as an Oompa Loompa this year.

I See a Nerd!!

We like nerds at The Daily Quaker. Send us your HA! HA! Guys and we'll post them up for the world to see.

Navy Explodes Pirates

Some Somali pirates got blown up by the U.S. Navy over the weekend:

The Golden Mori radioed for help Sunday night. The Burke's sister ship, the USS Porter, opened fire and sank the pirate skiffs tied to its stern before the Burke took over shadowing the hijacked vessel.

When the shots were fired, it was not known the ship was filled with highly flammable benzene.

Sometimes, it's just hard being a pirate. News story courtesy of CNN.

Start a new Holiday Tradition

I realize it's barely Halloween, but this recent article in the Coloradoan about the history and origin of customs surrounding Mistletoe seemed especially Fall relevant.

Here's to the romantic in all of us:

Mistletoe is a plant parasite. It derives water and minerals by sinking its roots not into the ground, but into the flesh of living plants. European mistletoe and North America mistletoe have pointy, green leathery leaves with waxy red or white berries and bright red, yellow or green flowers.

...

'Misteltan' is the Anglo-Saxon word for 'dung,' and 'tan' is the word for 'twig'. So, mistletoe means "dung-on-a-twig." Not exactly a word origin in keeping with the romantic reputation of mistletoe plants!

Allow me to propose a new custom for this winter holiday season. If you want to kiss a girl, tell her with a HA! HA! Guy Whiteboard. Write "HA! HA! Let's Hook Up!!" on a board and give it to her. It sure beats cheesy pickup lines involving trivia about mistletoe, that's for sure.

Man Bites Dog Driving a PT Cruiser

The latest word off the Police Beat courtesy of the York Daily Record:

Cordaryl Renard Bradley, 20, of the 500 block of North Beaver Street of York, is charged in two incidents that involved two wrecked cars, a truck, two injured people and damage to two homes.

...

After wrecking his vehicle, police said, they had to use a Taser on him.

Police said they found a stolen gun and marijuana in his car. They also said Bradley was on probation.

...

The chase began as a routine traffic stop. Police said Bradley fled a marked police car about 8:25 p.m. Monday in a 2008 Chrysler PT Cruiser.

I can't believe you tried to out run the cops in a PT Cruiser! What kind of idiot involves himself in a high speed chase in PT Cruiser? Those things are hoopties off the assembly line! By the way, good job getting tased, tough guy.

I Hear Canadian Pharmaceuticals are High Quality

Hi there TheQuaker,

The United States Senate votes 50-48 to set a according to Elections Quebec.
disagreements with Ian Paisley entering pacts with other a partial meltdown.

Just becuase you have an average penis doesn't mean you have to have average women. Amaze yourself! Make them jealous. Do you know where you can get super cheap V 1 a g r a? Call me.

Your friend,

Spamming Jerk From Nigeria

Send The Quaker your "Dear Abby" questions and get 25% off a whiteboard.

Inform Lord Quaker we Have Prisoner

Vincent's armada of Laughing Quaker Storm Troopers is running out...for now.

Whose Your MeeMaw?

OMG! Dumbledore IS gay!!!!

As reported by the AP via CNN, "Harry Potter" author J.K. Rowling outed the Hogwarts leading wizard Friday night at the unrelenting insistence of crazed Potterites:

After reading briefly from the final book, "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows," she took questions from audience members.

She was asked by one young fan whether Dumbledore finds "true love."

"Dumbledore is gay," the author responded to gasps and applause.

This strange, but somehow predictable turn of events brings new meaning to one of Dumbledore's favorite catch phrases:

Wikipedia Took a Dump on The HA! HA! Guy

This is actually old news, but sad nonetheless. The HA! HA! Guy article was deleted from Wikipedia for being "not notable" and "unencyclopedic". Wikipedia is a joke.

Hanging With the Gramps

HA! HA! Your picture is slightly fuzzy!

Translation: We're the youngest people here!

Why Han Wouldn't Wear TK421's Armor

Mmmmm... Beast

Do You Sleep With a Lumberjack?

Dear HA! HA! Guy,

When one person in the bed is snoring loudly so that the other can't sleep, should the non-sleeper wake up the snorer and tell him/her to go snooze elsewhere or should the non-sleeper just get up and go in search of a couch and leave the snorer in bed?

Your friend,

Nina

Mr. Quaker Goes to Washington

Sent to us by Chris.

You Will Join The Quaker or Die!

Another delightfully nerdy Darth Vader HA! HA! sent in by Vincent.

He's Smooth. And he Just Stole Your Girl.

Help me HA! HA! Guy, You're my Only Hope

Dear HA! HA! Guy,

What should I say to the child who says, "Mom, I think we need to get another dog." ??

Thanks in advance,

Nina from Collegeville, PA

It's a Federal Holiday?!?

One Small Step for Soviets...

Today marked the fiftieth anniversary of the launch of Sputnik 1. Of course you already new that because Google told you about it. But many don't realize the significant impact that dear, sweet, little Sputnik (and the throng of puppies, kittens, mice, and rabbits the Russians hurled into space on subsequent Sputnik missions -- some of which made it back alive) would have on the American economy 50 years later.

Democratic presidential nomination hopeful Hillary Clinton noted the economic impacts as a little girl:

After Sputnik went up, sales of telescopes and binoculars went up, she said.

Profound.

More recently the Ansari-X Prizes for space flight and moon landers have spawned a new generation of entrepreneurs looking to the stars:

In the old days, when people talked about financing space activity, they meant getting Congress to appropriate money, usually via NASA's budget. This time, although there was talk about the 2008 elections and what they would mean for space, the focus was different. No one I talked to had high hopes for major government space initiatives. Instead, the main concern was ensuring that Congress and bureaucrats wouldn't somehow manage to wreck what's regarded as a scene that's vibrant and promising all on its own. The future, most people felt, was with the space entrepreneurs, not the space agencies.

Before long, even Paris Hilton will have here own rocket company and space flight will be a prerequisite to joining the who's who billionaire's club.

So, here's to you Sputnik. For without you, my future children would never have known what it would be like to not be able to get a date in high school for never having been on a high earth, zero gravity orbit.

Party Pooper :(

What has the HA! HA! Guy ever done but spread joy, laughter, and sarcasm to the masses?

Laughing Quaker Ho!

Dear HA! HA! Guy,

Can i call yee the captain?

Your Friend,

Nic from Durham, North Carolina

Nice Chops!