Get a Better Pickup Line

Maybe if you had a HA! HA! Whiteboard you could meet more girls? They always say they like a guy with a sense of humor...

About The Daily Quaker!

I used to be an abused Internet cliche...



What is The Daily Quaker!? It's an experiment in online entrepreneurship and an homage to one of the funniest Internet memes in recent memory, the HA! HA! Guy. It's the only place where you can get your hands on a genuine, world famous, HA! HA! Guy Whiteboard. It's a blog with daily postings of bad jokes written on HA! HA! Guy Whiteboards.

Why make HA! HA! Guy Whiteboards? To us it was an obvious extension of the infamous HA! HA! Guy made famous by Hetemeel: take a blank template of the HA! HA! Guy, write something sarcastic/truthful/exasperated under it, share with your friends, LOL. Why should the HA! HA! Guy be shackled to the electronic world?

Where can I get a HA! HA! Guy Whiteboard? HA! HA! Guy Whiteboards are available exclusively on The Daily Quaker!.

When did you guys start selling these puppies? We first joked about HA! HA! Whiteboards during the first Great Grey Wave on Fark in July of 2005. When, on the anniversary of the Grey Wave the HA! HA! Guy struck on Fark again we decided to take action. We launched the Tri-Corner Humor Web Shoppe in January of 2007. After paying way too much for hosting, we reevaluated how we went about selling these guys and after taking a different marketing stance, reopened as The Daily Quaker! with a new blog format in August of 2007.

We'll be closing down shop in mid-July 2008.

Who is running the show here? Until recently, the entity known as Tri-Cornered Humor, LLC. We let the Limited Liability status expire and now it's just a few individuals. Michael runs the website and answers most of the email. Jim ships the 'boards and takes care of finances. Lars consults on various subjects such as marketing, business, and Internet sub-culture.

The end is Near: HA! HA! Whiteboards now Only $6.00, get 'em While They're hot.

Alright kids.

This is it.

It's not the last post but it is the beginning of the end. But don't worry. You'll still be able to get HA! HA! Guy Whiteboards. At least for a little while longer. And lucky for you, we're dropping prices.

Starting today you can get a genuine HA! HA! Whiteboard for only $6.00 plus shipping. That's a $3.95 savings over the regular price. And as always, if you send us a question for the Quaker I'll send you a link that will give you free shipping. It doesn't get much better than that.

Or maybe it does.

Also starting today, you can buy HA! HA! Whiteboards in 25 piece lots for only $100.00 plus shipping. That's only $4.00 per 'board. You can save them to give to your friends for Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, Festivus, Flag Day, or Labor Day. They make a great gift. Heck, you could even start you're own HA! HA! Guy Whiteboard business if you wanted. Sorry, I can't give you free shipping on a box this big and heavy, but just like we've always done, we're not going to go out of our way to screw you on shipping like a lot of folks on the internet do.

And you still get our 100% HA! HA! Whiteboard guarantee(tm): We promise that this will be the best online whiteboard impulse buy you will ever make.

I Have Road HA! HA!

Running the DC-Baltimore-Philadelphia gauntlet takes its toll on anyone. It's a good thing Nina had a HA! HA! Whiteboard close at hand. Otherwise we might have witnessed another random act of road rage.

Grade A Meat Tumors

By way of a comment,

Rebekah asks if you couldn't use current gene technology like the kind that grows ears on rats to grown meat tumors on animals that could just be harvested? YUM! Mommy, I want a meat tumor!

A Bathroom Mystery

But I'll never tell anyone...

Having roommates is great. Having roommates and a HA! HA! Guy Whiteboard is even better.

Everyone has Sars!!!

This is the most brilliant HA! HA! Whiteboard I have ever seen. Bravo sweettheman.

Become a friend of The Quaker. Take a picture of a HA! HA! Whiteboard, post it flickr, tag it 'hahaguy' and I'll post it up on the Daily Quaker! for the world to see.

Obama vs. McCain: It's Finally on

The Dems finally know have a plan. Well, sort of anyway.

Pork and BEANS!!

Who Owns the Moon?

Dear HA! HA! Guy,

I read on CNN about a guy who claimed he owned the moon. The man, claiming he had found a loop hole in several international treaties was selling lunar real estate. Is this guy for real? Should I start buying moon properties while the prices are still low? Is Lunar Land a worth while investment?

Thanks,
Roger

Sharon Stone is Sorry...That she Lost her Modelling Contract

I'm not happy about the way the Chinese are treating the Tibetans because I don't think anyone should be unkind to anyone else," Stone said. "And then this earthquake and all this stuff happened, and then I thought, is that karma? When you're not nice that the bad things happen to you?

- Sharon Stone at the 2008 Cannes Film Festival

In the tradition of not realizing you were an insensitive idiot until someone pointed it out, Sharon Stone apologized to all Chinese people of the world after comments she made were determined to be offensive by the French clothier she models for, Christian Dior SA. Sharon will no longer be appearing in Dior advertisements in China.

I can't decide what is worse, that Christian Dior would actually take Sharon seriously or that Sharon would cave so quickly over something she obviously believes in. I heard Sharon Stone actually caused the earthquake. But she was sorry for it. Except for not really.



For the record, the HA! HA! Guy only promotes peace and love. And entertainment by the folly of celebrities.

Naomi Campbell Hates You

Naomi Campbell was shocked that she was actually charged for verbally and physically abusing airline crews and police constables yesterday when London prosecutors ordered her to appear before a judge:

The Crown Prosecution Service said Campbell faced six charges _ three counts of assaulting a constable, two counts of using threatening, abusive words or behavior to the cabin crew and one count of disorderly conduct. Police said the assault charges related to two officers.

The charges carry a maximum penalty of 6 months in jail and a fine up to $10,000. Something tells me that hard time might only make Naomi even more tough.

Drinking Coffee Prevents Gout!

A recent study published in the June issue of Arthritis & Rheumatism (What? Like you don't subscribe to this journal, please.) has found evidence that long term coffee consumption can prevent gout. Big toes of the world rejoice. Now if only coffee could prevent social diseases such as teh Clap...not that anyone I know has it or anything. I swear.

In other news, NBA all-star Maurice Cheeks has Gout and is the official celebrity spokesman for National Gout Awareness Day.

HA! HA! Has Been Abused

Thankfully, the HA! HA! Guy is only a forced internet cliché!!

I Love Fairies!

But I hate waiting for my turn to take a ride. :(

Starbucks Managers Abuse Employees

Each week Starbucks managers hopped up on coffee and power reach their grimy little paws into the tip bucket and steal the hard earned cash owed to each one of those hard working baristas working that latte machine. It's really a shame. What kind of a crazy world is this? New York is hoping for a similar settlement as that in California.

Scarlett Rocks

Blasted by critics, hailed by teenage boys...you be the judge.

Amazing Technology

Victoria's Secret is under lawsuit for "allegedly" borrowing from a single mother's patent for what could be considered the most amazing bra on the planet.

"It's a versatile bra. You can wear it over 100 ways." After she patented her product, she sent a copy of the design to Victoria's Secret and had a meeting set up with the company in 2006. On her way to that meeting the company canceled and, voila!, soon after came out with their new "Very Sexy 100-way strapless convertible bra."

Personally, I think most of the bras sold by Victoria's Secret have some pretty amazing technology...



I also read Playboy for the articles, thank you very much.

A Word of American Idol Advice

Friends don't let friends, drink and vote. This is very serious business. You will be deciding the person who will annoy the heck out of all of us over the next few years to come. Please, choose wisely, or better yet, defer so you won't be blamed.

Tens of Jedi Persecuted in the UK

A man who dressed up as Darth Vader, wearing a garbage bag for a cape, and assaulted the founders of a group calling itself the Jedi church was given a suspended sentence Tuesday.

Arwel Wynne Hughes, 27, attacked Jedi church founder Barney Jones — aka Master Jonba Hehol — with a metal crutch, hitting him on the head, prosecutors told Holyhead Magistrates' Court.

He also whacked Jones' 18-year-old cousin, Michael Jones — known as Master Mormi Hehol — bruising his thigh in the March 25 incident, prosecutors said.

Vader, having just drunk 2 1/2 gallons of boxed wine, doesn't recall the sudden dark side outburst toward the Jedi.



The Jedi Church boasts around 390,000 according to the 2001 UK census. Members have been found in the United States as well.

Thanks to Maureen for sending in this story.

Epilepsy Website Hacked

A group of script kiddies hacked the Epilepsy Foundation's support forums a few weeks back:

The breach triggered severe migraines and near-seizure reactions in some site visitors who viewed the images. People with photosensitive epilepsy can get seizures when they're exposed to flickering images, a response also caused by some video games and cartoons.

...

Within the hackers' posts were small flashing pictures and links - masquerading as helpful - to pages that exploded with kaleidoscopic images pulsating with different colors.

The FBI is currently investigating and this could be the first application of the new anti-cyber terrorism provision passed in 1996 as part of the National Information Infrastructure Protection Act, assuming the culprits can be found.

Great Reporting Ahead

Yes, CNN spent more than 7 minutes debating the implications of this decision on the Bush Presidency. Read the fully story here.

Historic NASA Press Conference Today

Historic press conference, today, at NASA headquarters, at 1300. At the press conference scientists will unveil details on a discovery for which they've been searching for over 50 years.

The Daily Quaker! has the leaked story:


Seriously, though, maybe they found...a clue?

PETA Puts on its Thinking Cap. Again.

Another brilliant idea from PETA. In the spirit of the Ansari-X prize they've created a $1 million purse for anyone able to create real artificial meat that actually tastes good. I'm not talking about meat alternatives, I mean genuine fake meat, grown in a lab with the blood vessels, marbled fat pockets, and tasty flesh in all its glory.

This is almost as smart as their "Spay your Daughter" campaign.

Zombie Quaker has this to say:


I think the Zombie Quaker is starving.

HA! HA! Family Tree Revealed

Using advanced and highly accurate face recognition technology, The Daily Quaker! has uncovered at least some truth behind the HA! HA! Guy's origins.

Joseph Heller (59%) -- The Author of Catch-22. Might the HA! HA! Guy be Mr. Heller's long lost uncle? Joseph Heller is of Russian/Jewish descent and an American by birth.

Pope Paul VI (58%) -- Human leader of the Roman Catholic Church from 1968 to 1973, his excellency hailed from Italy. Could it be that the Laughing Quaker is not really a Quaker at all? The HA! HA! Guy could be the Pope's older brother.

Bon Scott (58%) -- The second lead singer of AC/DC. The HA! HA! Guy as a lyricist makes a lot of sense. A family of showmen through and through. Perhaps the famous HA! HA! Guy advertisement is from Australia?

Tom Cruise (55%) -- Perhaps the "Laughing Quaker" should instead be known as the "Laughing Scientologist"? It's good to see that acting/modeling runs in the family.

Carl Sagan (55%) -- A famous astronomer and author of Contact, a book that was later made into a movie starring Jodie Foster. He is also Jewish.

John Woo (55%) -- Holy Crap! He's Chinese! The HA! HA! Quaker is Chinese!!

Yasser Arafat (54%) -- Famous Palestinian leader. Mr. Arafat is of Egyptian descent. Is it possible that the HA! HA! Guy is the much older half brother of Mr. Arafat and fled to the United States with his biological mother where he went on to model for a photographic dry plate advertisement?

Winston Churchill (54%) -- Prime Minister of Great Britain during World War II. Was the HA! HA! Guy Mr. Churchill's cousin or half-uncle?

You know, I could see the HA! HA! Guy being related to any of these people, but he can't be related to all of them. Russians, British, Chinese, Egyptians, Americans, Scientologists -- it just doesn't make sense. The only logical way to solve this is to hold a Photoshop contest.

Contest Announcement!

Submit your digitally edited "HA! HA! Family Tree" inspired photos before May 31 by either emailing them to TheQuaker@tricornerhumor.com or posting to flickr (tag hahaguy) and sending the link at the same email address. The best photo will win a free HA! HA! Guy Whiteboard. And as our way of saying "Thanks for playing," everyone who enters the contest will receive a link good for free shipping on any HA! HA! Whiteboard order!

Winners will be posted during the first week of June and by entering the contest you give us permission to post your entries. You will receive all credit for your work so include a link with your submission if you want link credit as well. Enter as many times as you want, no purchase necessary to win.

Good luck. Post any questions about the contest as comments below.